Friday, October 23, 2009

'Semangat' or is it?

I haven't been writing about my life,wait my new life in a different continent,different environment and of course different 'semangat'. To be honest, the 'tamparan hebat' of my results has not subside which is weird as I am not the kind of person who would dwell and whine about things that happen to me. Almost everyday NO! everyday i still hear myself asking what if? at the bottom of my heart.What if I had done this? What if I hadn't go there? What if? That's why I'm usually writing crappy poems(if you can call them poems but of course,you can definitely call them crappy).

I am now here in university with a new found semangat. A spirit that is rarely in me after this so many years. Frankly, how I got this far has always been a wonder as I was never(still am not) passionate about anything in my life. I do love money.umm but that's not passion,that's an obsession. However, here it goes. My semangat. I want to work hard. I want to forget the past(which i can't even now). Sometimes, though now it feels like most of the time, this semangat of mine has its drawbacks. I feel that this semangat make me feel disconnected somehow. I'm more distant from others. These days, I smile less, I look more serious and am just not as involved as I once have. Giving reasons of this sort of behaviour is what I always do. What if I want to keep this new spirit of mine without having to forgo other things that do matter to me. Is there an equilibrium point for both sides? Do I have to chose? Or is this one of those creepy questions that can only be answered after the life-long journey ahead? I can't wait that long. How do I know? huh?

yapping.yapping.yapping. On the bright side(haha suddenly ade bright side,apekah?), I have been blessed, I know. I realised that ever since I got this scholarship from Mara. I have been blessed. Who gets a C in further maths with a D and E for its components? Strange.But that is the work of Allah. He is always kind. I feel grateful. Thank you. :') really.


Lili said...

banban.. ixtaw wd happen to u sgt. tp i know u gonna get through all these. muhasabah diri ni. bgus2! seldom people do this. u r ban ban man! wd r the things that could be u down? stay how u r. be a happy, rock n roll banban! lap u!

mira_bandung89 said...

haha thanks lili...:D
but i pon tak sure what happen to me...konfusing... but i know one thing for sure..i miss my frens! i miss u,jlo,syera,fara ain,bihah..n all those times kite gossip kat chalet j.lo.. :(

Lili said...

banban.. at least.. ur geng ky sume kat herritwatt. syafiq konfiden ada, maji ada, aak ada n ramai lg la. ktorg je yg scatered. jlo warwick, i lester, syera n fara ain je sesam kat IC. sigh... my gossip xde kat lester banban.. u xde...

we'll make a trip to scotland n see u. dun worry. kalo u dtg, susah nak meet up sume. ktorg sume pegi bole jumpe u sorg. senang kan? tapi u kene layan ktorg la.. n kene pinjam ur bilik nak memlm. hohoho..