'Semangat' or is it?

I haven't been writing about my life,wait my new life in a different continent,different environment and of course different 'semangat'. To be honest, the 'tamparan hebat' of my results has not subside which is weird as I am not the kind of person who would dwell and whine about things that happen to me. Almost everyday NO! everyday i still hear myself asking what if? at the bottom of my heart.What if I had done this? What if I hadn't go there? What if? That's why I'm usually writing crappy poems(if you can call them poems but of course,you can definitely call them crappy).

I am now here in university with a new found semangat. A spirit that is rarely in me after this so many years. Frankly, how I got this far has always been a wonder as I was never(still am not) passionate about anything in my life. I do love money.umm but that's not passion,that's an obsession. However, here it goes. My semangat. I want to work hard. I want to forget the past(which i can't even now). Sometimes, though now it feels like most of the time, this semangat of mine has its drawbacks. I feel that this semangat make me feel disconnected somehow. I'm more distant from others. These days, I smile less, I look more serious and am just not as involved as I once have. Giving reasons of this sort of behaviour is what I always do. What if I want to keep this new spirit of mine without having to forgo other things that do matter to me. Is there an equilibrium point for both sides? Do I have to chose? Or is this one of those creepy questions that can only be answered after the life-long journey ahead? I can't wait that long. How do I know? huh?

yapping.yapping.yapping. On the bright side(haha suddenly ade bright side,apekah?), I have been blessed, I know. I realised that ever since I got this scholarship from Mara. I have been blessed. Who gets a C in further maths with a D and E for its components? Strange.But that is the work of Allah. He is always kind. I feel grateful. Thank you. :') really.

Beautiful Day

Beautiful day
What a beautiful day
What a beautiful day

I'm locked up here in my room again
I'm looking out at the bloody rain
It's a beautiful day and everybody's out there
while I'm sitting here in vain

They're all having fun on the beautiful day
All alone I'm thinking of walking away
Walk,walk away from this beautiful day

I got to gut it out,trying to act the part
for mummy and daddy back home,i'm going to study hard
I haven't live the life I wanted
kept missing the parts I needed
can't never pull it together in time
try to make this beautiful day mine.

.:the first month:.

Question: Describe your first month experience in another country?

Answer:

Cold.swans.flat.flatmates.kitchen.seniors.makan.raya.sketchers.lectures.1st year.sad.SHOPPING.happy.tomyam.lonely.baking.boys(byan n chaer's department ofcourse).wet.shoe.laundry.yogurttopflapjack.flick-flick.skype.e-assignments.
beautiful.campuslife.great.edinburgh.AMMMMAAAZZZIIINGG.dungeon.
sleep.debitcard.dorothyperkins.reserved.oldtownwhitecoffee.missselfridge.
geegeegeegeebabybaby.udangsambalpetai.ballerinaflats.drama.frozenfood.
newfriends.newfoundfriends.princesstreet.cooking.feel.happy.atpeace.but.lost.





How do I search for something if I don't know what I'm looking for?

He is always kind to me

He has been kind to me
even if I did not pray
He has been kind to me
giving me a life I could not have asked for more
He has been kind to me
when I nearly took my life away
He has been kind to me
even when I lied
He has been kind to me
even when I start to question
He has been kind to me
when I got want I wanted
He has always been kind to me
when I forget what I have
He has always been there for me
but why do i still sigh?
He has always been kind to me
but why do I continue to be a brat
He has always been kind to me

Now I wish I could be kind for Him.

Let's Read.

Let's read.


When a person ask you what do you think of Mustafa Kemal and his principles, you should know well enough that it is not Mustafa Kamal pelakon Malaysia yg anaknya Ayuna meninggal dunia (which you found out 2 years ago from Melodi ), and you should not be googling mustafa kamal later either. It just shows clearly how unbelievably empty your general knowledge part of the brain is.
Plus by now, you should also know some parts of the Scottish history and no! knowing Gerard Butler is from Paisley,Scotland is NOT part of history.

The only general knowledge in my head as of right now is that khloe kardasian is getting married.and the only piece of argument that has been battling in my mind is whether ellen degeneres will be a good judge on idol. OMG.


God, i need to read. and hopefully,be clever.

umm this may take a while.

Heriot-Watt Uni. Edinburgh

Sudah genap satu minggu di Edinburgh, Heriot-Watt Uni to be exact. A lot has happen since I arrived. Rasa macam dah duduk sini satu bulan. So far, mostly nice warm memories minus the unbelievably cold weather. I mean, I know before I came here that Scotland is the coldest place in the UK but boy, I did not expect it would be this cold and yet my scottish flatmate said that this is warm for edinburgh...so yes OMG! takpe2 amira,empat tahun je.. :0

Heriot-Watt Uni as an american would say is "so damn beautiful" or as a malay would say ' bapak gile cantik ah weyh".It was love at first sight for me and I fell in love with this place everyday since.
Tapi, bukan semua best laa..there are downsides of it like homesick but that's just temporary, well at least I hope so.

Classes so far has been ok-ish.Well, it hasn't been memorable to me. The lectures reminds me of my matriculation days. I think it will get better as the term progresses. I have four classes je. Calculus, Algebra, Econs, and Statistical Science.

My flat is really nice too. My room's view is the bomb and my flatmates are really cool... Sebelah my bilik is a Bruneian girl but dh duduk wales for 6 years, friendly sgt2.Dia banyak sama class with me, so kitorg slalu gak hangout. Sebelah bilik dia, is a girl from China. Sangat kelakar.suka menyanyi lagu dlm toilet haha...so comel. and another one is a Scot-tish. Dia cm a bit lepak je...kewl je..bf die blajar kat edinburgh uni n aritu sleepover our flat :0 haha don't worry I tak culture shock sgt so far, thanks to watching a lot of american tv =P Tambahan pula, my hall ni paling havoc arh...Caddon House! mmg pot org nk lepak2, hisap2 rokok and party! dh diajak dh oleh flat 10 kat atas untuk party sabtu ni...hmmmmm... harap iman ku kuat sepanjang pengembaraanku di sini...takpe flat 7 ada budak muscom, so insyaAllah terhindar drpd gejala2 sosial yg ada, unless shapiq konfiden ikut skali berparti :P haha

wOw, im in scotland! still can't believe. Although these past few months did not turn out like I'd like it to be, I still am really really grateful and really really wish I will not screw up,this time.

I know this sounds cliche and may not happen but I really want to turn over a new leaf,not only for others but for myself but most of it, is for others. I hope. I pray. I will.


~~~~~~~let's wait and see where this leads to.

Now I Can Fly ~~~~

Setelah 20 tahun hidup, 13 tahun belajar, 5 hari di BTN, 4 hari di MOC, 3 jam di Jabatan Imigresen Malaysia, 5 jam di Visa Centre, 6 kali berulang-alik ke Bangunan Medan MARA Jalan Raja Laut, 1 kali ke Lembaga Hasil Dalam Negeri Jalan Duta untuk mematikan setem2 yg @#HW$$%, 1 kali ke MAS Airline Office yang tutup sehingga 14September atas sebab pemindahan lokasi sehinggakan grads kard tidak sempat dipohon (20kg pun 20 kg laaaa), 1 pink kamera, 1 trenchcoat , dan 1 boyish non-heels sneakers, saat yg ditunggu-tunggukan bakal tiba~~~~~



13 Sept 2009 2355 KLIA 0655 AMSTERDAM 13hour


14 Sept 2009 0955AMSTERDAM 1020EDINBURGH 1h25m






ps: tu je...saje je bwat dramatik :P hope everything goes well..inshaAllah

But this is how I'm feeling right now :0 :) :( -.-" :'(